Balancing Motherhood and Career: Real Stories from Women in CX
Navigating the complex and often conflicting demands of motherhood and a career is a challenge that many women face.
This article was inspired by Women in CX community member Kerry Sudale, a specialist recruiter who has dedicated her career to hiring leadership roles in Customer Experience and Customer Operations. Through her work at Sudale Search & Select, Kerry has gained insights into the struggles and triumphs of women in the CX industry. After working with numerous women looking for their perfect role, Kerry wanted to bring attention to the tough choices and realities these women face every day.
Through a collection of personal stories shared by the members of our community, we want to shed light on the experiences and tough choices women make in their professional and personal lives.
Being a Working Mom
Leonora Gouveia's experience highlights the systemic obstacles that working mothers face. "I was lucky enough to stay at home with my eldest for a year, but after going back, I felt I could still make a difference in the workplace," she shares. However, when she became pregnant with her second child and was unhappy at work, she had to step back from an interview process due to the fear of losing her maternity leave benefits.
“We are not superheroes; some of us do it because we need to, others because this is what makes us feel we have a purpose. But we can't pretend it is easy.”
Her frustration grew when her manager delayed discussions about a deserved promotion because of her pregnancy. "The mental weight that comes with motherhood, endless guilt, and the effort we need to commit while juggling work-day life needs to be talked about. We are not superheroes; some of us do it because we need to, others because this is what makes us feel we have a purpose. But we can't pretend it is easy. There are still a lot of battles to fight so we can find our fair space." Leonora says.
“Often, women rule themselves out of promotion, having seen colleagues passed over for similar promotions whilst pregnant.”
Reflecting on this, Kerry Sudale adds: “Often, women rule themselves out of promotion, having seen colleagues passed over for similar promotions whilst pregnant. The right business and leader will not pass you over. I was recently speaking to Aditi Kaistha, Director of Customer Support at UW, about how she was five months pregnant when she secured her first Head of Promotion position. She applied at the last minute, thinking she didn’t stand a chance! She admitted to dressing to make herself look not pregnant during the interview stages.”
Health Crises and Full-Time Work
One anonymous contributor shares a personal story of severe health issues during pregnancy and postpartum, all while maintaining a full-time job. "I had hyperemesis and ended up losing 25 pounds because I couldn’t eat at all," she recounts. Hyperemesis gravidarum, a condition characterised by extreme nausea and vomiting, made every day a challenge.
"In my second trimester, I woke up one day with really severe prenatal depression, and that was something I struggled with for the entire rest of the pregnancy. I ended up having to go on medication because it was so severe. Luckily, I found a therapist who specialised in perinatal mental health," she shares.
Despite having therapy, her challenges continued after childbirth. "We had a really difficult delivery, and she ended up in the NICU. The trauma of that actually triggered me having postpartum OCD. It was bad enough that my doctors wanted to send me to The Mom's Place hospital for hospitalisation." This all happened while she was working full-time. According to the Mental Health Foundation, “Between 10% and 20% of women develop mental health problems during pregnancy or within a year of giving birth.”
The pressures of balancing everything are still evident in daily life. "Every time something is wrong at school, I’m the first person they call. They don’t call my partner; they call me. They call me multiple times before they even try to call him," she explains.
“Every time something is wrong at school, I’m the first person they call. They don’t call my partner; they call me. They call me multiple times before they even try to call him.”
After reading this story, Kerry Sudale adds: “The view is very much alive that the pressures of parenthood fall on the shoulders of women. We still hear from dads a lot who are asked, ‘Can’t your wife or mum do that?’ when they ask for time off to care for poorly children or go to sports day. This is a really damaging question which not only limits the level of responsibility for dads in their own families but firmly places women in the position of homemaker and caregiver alone. Three-quarters of parents would look for a new job if asked to be in a central office five days per week. This is great news for women everywhere, as it puts pressure on leaders and businesses to realise that raising a family is a joint endeavour - it is no longer a woman problem.”
Overcoming Job Loss and Starting Fresh
Hannah Cornaby's story is one of resilience. Made redundant while 34 weeks pregnant, she navigated the early months of motherhood with a heavily taxed redundancy package. "The need to return to work earlier than I had planned due to this and requiring flexibility due to lack of childcare got me to choose a job just for this reason—it was not a career," Hannah explains.
“Sadly, Hannah’s story is one I hear often in the Search world,” says Kerry. “It can feel very isolating and make women feel that they are in some way responsible, that they aren’t good enough. It is a very vulnerable time, where they often choose to take the redundancy package, sign the NDA and leave quietly. After all, the importance at this stage is ensuring they are financially stable for their child.”
“The traditional job market, with rigid hours, wouldn't provide the flexibility I needed for two young children.”
When pregnant with her second child, it happened again: “I was put on furlough and a couple of months later made redundant again. The traditional job market, with rigid hours, wouldn't provide the flexibility I needed for two young children, both under school age.”
This sentiment is echoed by millions of working mothers across England. Recent estimates gathered by The British think tank Civitas suggest there are 2.9 million working mothers with children aged 0-15 who would prefer to work fewer hours to spend more time with their children. This represents 60% of all working mothers with children in this age group.
Hannah decided she needed a change and started her own businesses, Virtual Turtle and SimmonsCX. "Today, I thrive in [the] career I built myself as a CX consultant and strategist," she proudly shares.
The Struggle for Balance
Sarah Wilkes, the mother of two small children, reflects on the difficulty of balancing her career and family life. "I remember feeling so frustrated by my career and having chats with my mentors and fellow mamas who talked through the 'it sucks', the 'see it as a pause button' and the 'they are only young for a short time' convos with me."
Despite taking different approaches to her two maternity leaves, she emphasises, "My kids are obviously my world, and they will always win over work. But having money to give them the best life is also very important to me. And living my own life the way I want to is hugely important."
Sarah's story underscores the unique pressures mothers face compared to fathers. "My brain is wired very differently to my husband's," she says. "The last time I had a good sleep was before the kids were born because your brain never stops. There is always a worry or a to-do." Sarah believes this constant mental load, combined with societal expectations, makes the journey even more challenging for mothers.
“The last time I had a good sleep was before the kids were born because your brain never stops. There is always a worry or a to-do.”
She is not alone. According to the latest Annual State of Motherhood Report, “Just 35% of moms over 30 say they share equal household duties with their partners.”
“We see this a lot in the household; many of the mothers I speak to tend to have a career stagnation,” says Kerry. “This tends to be throughout the primary years and many conversations I have focus on ‘Now both of my children are at high school… I feel I can get some time back to invest in my career.’ In many instances where this hasn’t happened, the dad has taken the leading role, or they have grandparents within or close by the home.
“With people working for much longer, the grandparent option is not viable for many. Added to that, people are much more invested in the ‘presence over presents’, and with technological advancements that enable businesses to offer flexibility in work – hybrid, remote first, core hours, etc., there shouldn't be a need to miss out on the family life in the same way people had to in the past.
“I have seen a rise in organisations we work with actively attracting parents with enhanced parental leave policies (both maternity and paternity) because when they look at the data, they find parents are, on the whole, more productive in the workplace, simply as they don’t have a choice to stay in the office until 8 pm daily.”
Choosing Family Over Career
Leonie Williams shares the tough choices she had to make to prioritise her family. "When I went on my first maternity leave with my son, I wanted to return part-time, but my role was full-time only. I felt immense guilt putting him in childcare five days a week without any local family support," she recalls.
Determined to be more present for her children, Leonie insisted on part-time work after her second son was born. However, as a newly promoted senior leader, she was told she couldn’t work part-time unless she stepped down.
“Two-fifths of working mothers in the UK have turned down a promotion because of childcare pressures, and some 85% say that they have struggled to find a job that can accommodate their childcare needs.”
Unfortunately, this story is not unique. According to research from The Fawcett Society, two-fifths of working mothers in the UK have turned down a promotion because of childcare pressures, and some 85% say that they have struggled to find a job that can accommodate their childcare needs.
"I gave up my senior role to be there for my kids," Leonie says. The COVID-19 pandemic further highlighted the impossibility of balancing full-time work and homeschooling, leading her to quit her job and start her own business. "It was slightly unplanned but ultimately the best decision for me and my family."
“The notion that only one parent can be ambitious is not one that we can accept in 2024.”
Hearing Leonie’s story, Kerry says: “This is all too familiar. Mia Manson-Bishop, Member Experience and Membership Director at David Lloyd Leisure said, ‘I don’t know how I would have realised my career ambitions if both of us (myself and husband) were driving to the same goal… I would never have achieved what I have without his support.’ The notion that only one parent can be ambitious is not one that we can accept in 2024, especially as single-parent families are on the rise.
“The advancement of technology means we don’t have to. Remote first, hybrid working, core hours, equal parental leave, the acceptance from Leaders when parents share they are attending sports days, parents' evenings, etc., are all societal advancements that need to be pushed in order to grow diverse talent in the CX space.”
These stories were shared within the Women in CX community, a supportive space created for women working in customer experience and technology. The community provides a platform for members to share insights, learn from each other, and support one another in growing both professionally and personally.
